~~Relationships Are Precious~~

This morning I rolled out of bed and began working from home. There is nothing so awesome in the world like rolling out of bed and working from home in your pajamas! Hey! Don't judge me, not yet at least. I have been having issues with my knee since beginning physical therapy and although my knee is getting better, there is still pain especially on these rainy day. So as I was saying, I worked for an hour or so and then drove my husband to work. The drive was interesting. We were speaking of being married and laughing at stupid drivers! Does anyone know how to drive anymore? It seems as though the drivers training courses are not paying attention during road tests or they just hand the licenses out like candy to children in a candy store!

After I dropped my husband off, I went back home and got back to work. Also, I was going on my second cup of coffee! It was not quite lunch time yet but I did miss breakfast so I made it up with a banana, 3 stuffed grape leaves and 6 cooked mushrooms. Then about an hour after when I normally take my lunch, I finally got away from my desk and ate. I began working on a project and then pulled onto something more important. For this reason, I lost track of time again today. For lunch I had another Dole Package Salad with almonds and sesame dressing (YUM) and a cheese stick!

It was time to get back to work and as I was speaking with a friend whom I have grown close to, she advised me that she is leaving! My eyes were full of water and tears were streaming down my cheeks while I was speaking with her on the phone. My breaths were deep sighs of sadness. I really HATE when things change, especially when I meet such wonderful people and they move on with their life, but I know I have done the same as well. However, I do try my darndest to keep in touch with my friends! Do I collect friends? Does anyone collect friends? How do or why would anyone "collect" friends? It sounds strange to me, but this thought did run across my mind today. When I got off the phone with her, I wiped away the tears from my cheeks that I had shed, got back on my computer and continued working.

It was time for me to get my husband from his work! But before I left, I made a nutrient dense shake with 1 banana, chocolate vegan, 8 oz almond milk, 8 ice cubes and almonds!!! YUMMM!!! and I had finished some last minute work before I left home. Still I was sad because of the great news from my friend. She gets to grow in her skill and career and for that, I am very happy for her and even more blessed to have met her and to be her friend. I only pray that my friend and I still remain in contact and go out and do many activities in the area!

While in the car, bringing my husband home we were discussing what to have for dinner. He asked me earlier and I took a picture of a picture in a recipe book and sent it to him via text. For some reason, he thought it was a frozen dinner and who wouldn't have thought that? But we were deciding what to have and well it turned into a little spat, nothing to difficult for us to get through. I raised my tone to show how frustrated I was because he was speaking like a man and not understanding my woman talk...lol. Fish or beef was on the table and since we had our spat, we went out instead. I am thankful that he came to me and took time to talk it out with me, instead of brushing it off like it was nothing, because to me it was a big deal. He took us to Outback! I hadn't there in years and the bloomin' onion isn't what it used to be, but my steak was so tender and juicy, the flavor was dancing on my tongue. As I took a few bites of macaroni, I let out a sound of satisfaction and another when I took the first bite of my steak! I am so very happy I piped up and told the waitress that I hadn't been there in a while, because she took her time to explain the new menu to us and how the steaks were cooked. She also asked me what I like in a steak and introduced me to the Victorian Fillet Mignon. I also ordered a sweet potato with honey butter and brown sugar! I did eat all of the potato, 4 of 6 oz of the fillet and a few bites of the mac n cheese. I had 1.5 glasses of lemon water. My husband also ordered steak with mac n cheese, but what surprised me the most was that he ordered and was enjoying the asparagus! I wanted to tell him that we should call his mom to let her know that he does love vegetables, but decided against speaking up. Sometimes it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself.

After dinner, we went to the Marshalls, I needed to walk around although my knee was not in agreement with me. When I was in a clearance section he walked around the store 2 times looking for me....lol, oops. When we got home we relaxed while playing on our technical gadgets while my husband put a load of laundry in the wash/dryer and I had an apple.

We folded and put the clothes away and now I am writing.

I didn't do any exercise today, not even physical therapy exercises. (hides head in shame) yes, yes, yes, how am I supposed to get better if I don't do my exercises you ask? I won't, so tomorrow is therapy and I will make sure to put forth my best effort from here on out.

It is not bed time and I am going to get my rest, wake up at 7am tomorrow and begin again! Hopefully I won't cry so much when speaking with my friend, I wasn't sobbing, it was under control. I will miss working with her. If you are lucky or even blessed enough, maybe one day you will meet her.

A Rockin' Kinda Day

This morning I wanted to get out of bed and go to work, but my knee was bothering me, so I stayed in my pajamas and worked from my desk. It was a busy, but great day! The day went rather quick that I kept losing track of time, several times! But there are no complaints here. Below, as promises is what I ate today. Every single thing that passed through my lips.

This morning I had: 

• A cup of coffee with whip topping, I prefer this to adding heaps of sugar in my cup. 

There is just something about the whip topping on my coffee that makes me feel special! You know like when you go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or any other coffee house and they add the whip topping on your drink. Does that not make you feel so GREAT about yourself? I know I feel that way, but instead of paying $5 for a tall, I will make it here at home where it is MORE affordable and I can add the whip myself.  Nothing beats feeling great in the morning, especially with your coffee in hand!

• 2 glasses of water with lemon 

When you are trying to wake up and coffee isn't doing the trick, lemon water will help too! I am not saying that I was not up, because I was. However, the benefits of lemon water are amazing! Check out this link for 11 amazing benefits of lemon water. 

For a snack:

• I cut 3 mini cucumbers in slices and ate them with garlic hummus. 

I was feeling great about myself at this point, this is going to be a Vunderbar day! I am starting out on the right foot making healthy choices for my life!

For Lunch: 

• I had a HUGE bowl of Kale salad that you get from Dole with the onion dressing. But threw the bacon packet in the garbage since I don't eat pork. However, I replaced it with 4 turkey sausage patties.

Although I no longer eat pork, I still wanted some protein, so I added some patties that were in the freezer. They were so quick to cook and this was a very healthy and tasty meal!

Snack

• I found myself eating 2 tootsie pop suckers (mindlessly working and it was near)
• 1 banana 
• 1 string cheese
• 1 grape leave with the rice
• Another glass of water

I went to my physical therapy and was told that it looks like I am getting better, I wasn't limping as bad, which is a GREAT thing, but I was also there yesterday. Wouldn't that have something to do with it? hahaha, who knows! For physical therapy I was on the bike for 10 minutes, did calve raises, calve stretches, worked out on the fit machine, used the bands to tip toe away from the wall and use the resistance to not allow myself be smacked into the wall (that would be a site!). I had to balance myself on a half ball for 10 reps on each foot for 5 seconds a rep. Then I was iced! Oh that felt so great! After therapy, I picked my husband up from the station and we went to the grocery store. I have had this hankering for Salmon for a few days now. While we were at the fish counter I was looking for Wild Caught Alaskan Salmon, got it! Also got bourbon marinated salmon and 2 talapia. Tonight, I ate the bourbon Salmon and it was GREAT! I did add lemon to it.

and finally Dinner:

• For dinner I had Salmon! I didn't take a picture of it because it was too good to just let sit on my plate, so it is happily being digested as I write this post. Perhaps I should drink more water before going to bed.

About an hour ago, I had to sit down because my knee was in shooting pain.....my husband was kind enough to finish dinner for me and let me relax! This has been an amazing Rockin' Day!

How was your day!

OH! and I am down to 240!

My Generation...

As a young girl never really cared to much for my weight, it wasn't something a normal 7 year old thought about. I was chubby as a baby, according to my mom and of course baby pictures I have seen of myself, I was a BIG baby, but who is to blame? Am I to blame for being BIG when I was born? I thought I was normal 7lbs and .5oz 21 inches long. It was in 1979 that I was born to my parents. I was the first child of 3 and boy was I alone for those first 11 years of my childhood and even though I really wanted siblings, I got used to be the only one. Anyhow, I am thankful for both of my siblings, I couldn't and wouldn't want to imagine my life without them.

Like I was saying, I never thought of my weight as a child. Thinking of ones weight as a child was never thought of until now. At 8 years old I had family members tell me that I was going to grow up and be as big as my grandmother and that hurt me. For two reasons it hurt me. Reason #1: I loved this grandmother with all my heart! She taught me how to make cakes, took me to church, said the salvation prayer with me and then had me baptized at her church. Reason #2: I knew my grandmother was not a small woman and I swore to myself that I would NEVER in my life allow myself to get out of control, but keep in mind these thoughts and ideas were pushed on to me as a young child. All I knew was being overweight, obese, whatever you want to call it was negative and thus gave me a negative self image and has really eaten away at my own confidence and self esteem.

I truly do have the most amazing husband in the world. He loves me for who I am and what I look like. He asks me not to wear makeup because it covers my beauty. Why can't I see the beauty in me that he sees? I remember laying in bed as a teenager and in my twenties and even now in my thirties, crying asking God to somehow help me lose this weight that I have gained and help me feel beautiful. Not because I am exactly like my grandmother as I was told as a child, that I would let myself get as Big as her, but because of other factors and life stresses that I can share with you later.

There have been times in my life where I would look at myself in the mirror and cry, I did inside myself today while I was at physical therapy. I don't like my butt, my husband on the other hand, LOVES it!  In my twenties, I taught myself to use a mirror and look at myself in the eyes. I would say things like, "You are beautiful", "You are the apples of Gods eye and he made you just as you are", "There is no one else in the world like you" "You are made in Gods image and if he is handsome, so are you". It wasn't easy at first I would break down in to tears and it would take me a very long time to convince myself that I was telling myself the truth.

What the industry has done to so many of us has made us feel like, if we are not thin, skinny and nearly anorexic looking, then we are doing something wrong. I just want to get back to a size 12 or even a 10! Can you believe when I was a size 12 standing at 5'8" an ex boyfriend, whom I was dating at the time, told me that I was chubby and needed to lose weight? He was a doctor and of course they know what they are talking about after all, right? I wish I could see him today and give him a HARD SMACK in the face and a piece of my mind, but that is the humanity of me. At this point all I can do is forgive him for acting like a jerk and saying those hurtful words, move on and grown from it.

Today I am 5'8"......and wear 18w...sighs.

My generation wasn't taught how to eat properly to live, but live to eat and enjoy everything! One of EACH! We were taught, if you don't get it or eat it now, it won't be there when you want it. We were not taught delayed gratification and we grew up with the microwaves and fast food industry on the rise. So fast food is what was for dinner as well as frozen and boxed foods full of preservatives and all sorts of junk!

Currently I weigh 242 pounds and my goal is to get to 140 by my next birthday...I will be 37 so here the count down begins. I am counting on you to hold me accountable!!

I am not allowed to lie if I did or didn't workout, includes physical therapy and EVERYTHING I ate and drank, it all adds up. We do have some freezer meals left over, so if it is something like that, I will take a picture of it and the ingredients so you can see what is in it. May this be a healthy journey for us all and that we get to learn some amazing health and fitness tips along the way to help make this journey easy for us all!